Tag Archives: Janina

Nachtluft. Oder: Liebe.

Unterwegs warst du.

Hast kühle Nachtluft für Stunden

durchwandert und erkundet,

Büsche und Wiesen durchstreift,

Orte, von denen ich nichts weiß.

 

Du erzählst nichts über sie

und ich frage nicht.

Du bringst sie nur mit,

wenn du nach Hause kommst,

wenn in deinem Fell der Geruch von draußen hängt.

 

Du schmiegst dich an mich

und suchst Wärme,

Zuneigung und Zärtlichkeit,

und ich sitze hier, bereit sie dir zu geben,

um heimlich im Gegenzug

deinen Geruch von kühler Nachtluft einzuatmen,

von Orten, an denen ich nicht gewesen bin,

die du mir mitbringst.

 

Und dann sitzen wir beide,

glücklich für einen magischen Augenblick,

miteinander und genießen die unerzählten Geschichten des anderen.

 

Und dann gehst du wieder,

so wie du gekommen bist

und hinterlässt mich,

so wie ich hier saß.

Denn du hast zu entdecken.

Und ich zu arbeiten.

Ach, Görlitz

Es gibt keinen anderen Ort wie dich.

Du bist jedes Mal dasselbe. Und doch jedes Mal wieder anders. Du bist eine Konstante, eine nostalgisch unveränderbare Heimat, in die ich als immer wieder neuer Mensch, von immer wieder neuen Standpunkten aus, zurückkehre.

Du machst mit mir jedes Mal etwas Neues. Obwohl ich in dir alt geworden bin. Du bewegst mein Herz, im stillen Schein der Laternen. Weil es in dir zu schlagen begann. Weil Du wie kein anderer Ort zum Fühlen inspirierst.

Du bringst mich jedes Mal zurück. Und ein Stück weiter. Du fängst mich auf und erinnerst mich. Wer ich mal war, wer ich bin. Du zeigst mir, dass ich wieder ein Stück gewachsen bin. Und doch immernoch Dieselbe.

Denn ich bin in dir gewachsen und Du wurzelst tief. In meiner Seele, in meinem Gefühl. Du bist Konstante und Reflexionspunkt, bist Referenzpunkt. Für mein Leben. Dessen Vergänglichkeit und Eckpfeiler ich an dir wiederentdecke. Du rufst wach, was bedeutsam ist. Lässt es mich in deiner nächtlichen Leere wiederfinden.

Görlitz, du holst mich zurück. Immer wieder.

Zu wertvollen Menschen. Zu schönen Erinnerungen meines Seins. Zu mir selbst.

Danke.

Danke Görlitz. Danke Menschen.

Shiva`s evil plan

Compassion with a strong and gender divinity, our Lord Ganesha, for that we all make mistakes. Actually a tribute to our great Lord Shiva, the father of destruction!

Preface

Hinduism seems to be one of the most complex religions there is. But in fact it`s not.

There might be over a million Deities existing in all, and to at least a dozen of them Hindus pray regularly. There is a particular God or Goddess for every occasion to worship. But, no matter how deep you want to dig into Hinduism or not, the basic thought, of the order of the world and all energy existing in it, is really simple.

In Hindu belief, there are three main powers, characterized through the three mightiest Gods: Brahma, who stands for creation, Vishnu, who is responsible for preservation and Shiva, who brings destruction. These three powers keep the world and all its beings moving and in order. Creativity, continuity and change. Birth, life and death. Not one could exist without the other.

Now, there are still many other Gods. Like there are many other important things in life, apart from creation, preservation and destruction. Things like health, wealth, loyalty, fertility. So there is basically a single God for everything humans could wish for. A single God, people can pray to when they feel they need to.

One of the most popular ones is Lord Ganesha. Ganesha is said to be the “Remover of obstacles” and also called the “God of wisdom”. He is prayed to at the beginning of a journey, for clearing the way of all problems.

Not as much known as Lord Ganesha himself is the fact, that he actually is the son of Shiva – the God of destruction. This is the story of a desperate father using his son to destroy mankind.

Ganesha on another mission

Lord Ganesha, the great and wise Remover of obstacles, the God of wisdom, was once on the beginning of another journey. He had spent much of the last time dealing with small tasks and had lost the overview about what was happening down there. It was time he paid another personal visit to mankind, to find out about their problems and helping to solve them.

Unexpectedly, this time he found many people unhappy and unsatisfied. Almost everyone was wining for something “more” they wanted to have and they were complaining about “so many things, which stand in the way”. Lord Ganesha was highly alarmed. That was him needed! But he was also overwhelmed by so much unhappiness he had never seen before. He didn`t have a clue, where to start and how to help them. Because this time, the problems of the people didn`t seem to be real and fightable. All the unhappiness Ganesha found lay in a haze of mysterious gloom. He was idealess. He sighed and sat down on a blanket on the floor.

Ganesha getting to know the Smartphone

Suddenly, he spotted some people walking down the road with a mysterious black tool in their hands – some holding it to their ear, some holding it in front of them, staring at it. He looked around and saw even more people carrying these strange objects. The people were walking, talking and laughing, attention-caught with these things, as if they were friends. Ganesha didn`t understand. So he asked someone.

„Excuse me, Sir. What are these mysterious things everyone is walking around with?“ The man didn`t look up from the tool in his hand at first, but when he finally did and recognized the Elephant`s head, he was excited that Lord Ganesha was speaking to him and replied „It`s a smartphone, oh great Lord. The best thing in the world!” Ganesha still didn`t understand. So he asked “But what are people actually doing with it? And why does everyone seem so keen on them?” Now the man realized, that Ganesha had never seen a Smartphone before. So he replied:

“Smartphones, oh great Lord, are the most useful tools of the modern world! People can solve every problem with them. You can talk or message to whoever you like, from everywhere. You can order whatever you want from wherever you are. You can picture everything you do and show it to anyone. You can share your whole life with all the people in the world, and you can find the whole world and all answers to any question in it…. Plus, you always got all your appointments neatly in order. I can tell you, it`s a hell of a great tool!”.

Ganesha wants a Smartphone

Ganesha was thrilled. His eyes began to sparkle. He smelled, this tool could be the clue to solve everyone`s problems and remove everyone`s obstacles in a much more efficient way. So he was sure he needed a Smartphone himself right away. “Where can I get one like this?” he asked the man. “Oh Lord, please, I would be honored if you allowed me to give you mine as a present.” Ganesha smiled and felt happy like a child on Christmas Day. Another man had witnessed the conversation and came offering his Smartphone as well. “Please Lord, take mine, too!”, “Yea, and mine!” shouted a third person, „And mine!“ yelled a fourth…. Ganesha took all of them excitedly, thanked the kind people and went straight to work.

Ganesha at work

He started making phone calls, messaging around and searching the whole internet to find solutions for the people`s sorrows. He was very busy, night and day. He compared information and offers, made calls, searched, he gave his best. But somehow, not a single problem wanted to get solved, despite all the work he did. He started to get worried and desperate.

Shiva is pissed

What the great, wise Lord Ganesha didn`t know was, that he didn`t come on this mission by accident. His father, the great, mighty Lord Shiva, had sent him, because he was angry. A while ago, people had started always wanting more of everything and therefore people had begun to dangerously exploit the nature. The prices for food and products of life were falling, because no one wanted to pay decent money anymore. So they produced more and more of everything and exported more and more of it, but the prices kept falling. And the greed increased. So did the unhappiness.

For all that, people had taken so much water from the holy river Ganga, that there was almost no water left for Shiva to reign and play with. Shiva was seriously pissed. He was furious with mankind, because they always claimed everything for themselves. So he made an evil plan to destroy them. But none of these boring, upfront destruction scenarios that were known already – like floods, earthquakes and so on. Oh no! This time he was really angry. So, his plan needed to be subtle and the most evil ever.

Shiva`s evil plan

What he came up with, was genius. He decided not to attack the humans directly, but manipulate their souls and destroy them from the inside. His plan was, to silently destroy the humanity within and among men, so they would slowly destroy themselves.

Therefore he invented a small and apparently useful tool – simple enough for everyone to use, but complex enough to keep both smart and dumb people distracted for ages. It was a tool so useful, no one could resist using it, so useful, no one wanted to live without it anymore, so useful, no one wanted to spend a single minute without it anymore! That was when the Smartphone was born. People loved it.

Getting Ganesha out of the way

But there was Shiva`s son, the great and gender Lord Ganesha, who surely – sooner or later – would discover the Smartphones being an obstacle to people. Shiva couldn`t let his good-hearted son interfere with his plan! So he kept Ganesha busy for a while with small but frequent tasks and he hid the Smartphone phenomenon from him until it was time again for Ganesha to visit mankind on another mission of removing obstacles and solving problems. But the misery among the people was already so widely spread, that Ganesha didn`t know where to start helping them. In that very moment, Shiva let the first Smartphone cross his son`s way.

Ganesha loved it immediately and started using it, because he did`t know this tool. He had not seen yet what it did to the people and had never been disappointed by its promises. Also, the people had told him it was the most useful thing in the world. So Ganesha started to love Smartphones, just like everyone else. But soon he got addicted to them, and trapped.

The problems grow

Now Ganesha was so busy using his Smartphones for all the problems to get solved, he suddenly couldn`t solve a single one of them anymore! There were more and more troubles, problems and obstacles among the humans and even the Great Lord Ganesha couldn`t remove them. And because the people saw Ganesha using his Smartphones all the time, they were even more convinced it was a good and useful tool to have. Everyone, without a Smartphone before, got one now. Everyone, including Ganesha, got entirely addicted and absorbed in using Smartphones. Everyone now tried to always be efficient, to always do and solve things. And the troubles and problems of the people grew and grew.

The destruction scenario

Humans started fighting. Humans stopped talking to each other. Humans stopped sharing things of their real lives, because they were so busy sharing all kinds of things on the internet already. Everything they had, they wanted for themselves. And they never seemed to feel they had enough of anything. People got egoistic. People always had no time. And especially, they never had time to simply be happy. As the time passed, the human race slowly developed into a species of emotionless egomaniacs, with brains only still responding to the orders of their black little tools.

Shiva`s plan worked

Shiva watched the scenario with pure pleasure. He sat back in his dry bed of the Ganga River and grinned his most evil grin. His plan had worked perfectly! He laughed, a loud evil laughter, which should shiver the whole Himalaya for centuries.

Busy London – In love with a headless capital

The other day I sent a memorable childhood-picture to my best friend. Her only reply to it was a simple “like” on facebook. I felt a little sad. When I mentioned it to her, she was really sorry and admitted she should have made more effort on a reaction. But when I visited her some weeks later in London, where she`s living, I suddenly understood everything.

I understood people living in this 24/7-city never ever have time for anything. She still doubted simply that was enough as a proper excuse and asked if it would also apply for someone living in Hamburg. Of course not, I told her. Hamburg is a city all right. But in London people even do their phone calls on headphones under helmets while they cycle back from work through massive traffic. Because no one has one single minute to waste. And almost every phone call I involuntarily witnessed during my stay involved sentences like “what time is your flight?” and “why don`t you get a cab?” – London people are always so on the move!

People are so busy and global and digital that they lose sight of the closest analog things sometime: In London most people don`t know any road names of their own neighborhood anymore. Because they never stroll. Because they only use buses and cabs and tubes and googlefuckinmaps. When I arrived, I thought I could get to the house of my friend easily – 8 minutes walk from the bus stop – by asking passengers, shop keepers, whoever. “Naaoooöüü, I`m sooöü soooorey, I dooöün`t knoooooöüü! But I have a phaaaoooööüüüne. Shall I look it up fooooor youa?” Yes, please. That would be very kind. Because I don`t have such a phone. I thought I`d get by asking local people. But apparently they have way more important things to deal with than road names. And I don`t blame them.

I blamed my friend though, a little, at the end of that day. When we stood in her yard with a pint, looking over the London night streets in which she has been living for seven years. And she said to me “Look at those number plates! It`s really weird, some of them seem to be yellow and some are white!” – I feared the worst and replied, giving her a hint “Yes, well, they are always yellow in the back and white in the front….” – WHAT? REALLY?? I didn`t know that!” – “Oh. My. God. How the fuck could you not have noticed THAT in seven years!?” I just smiled and gave her a kiss. London people must have a lot on their minds and backs for sure.

But so this is this capital then. A bustling filthy overpriced beehive where everyone is fighting, because it is not easy living there. But it is special and everyone seems to be pretty, fancy and very busy. At all times. There seems to be nothing not-cool in this city. Even the very normal has an inevitably stylish attitude in this trendy world of its own. Even the woman with the pram in Whitechapel looks cool. Even the stressed people on Victoria Line look admirable.

I came to wonder if this appearance is true. If locals still feels this London-spirit or if it`s just a projection because outsiders like me looking at it this way. Whether the coolness is only evolving in the very second someone is watching and falling back to normal again as soon as there`s no one caring? But then there`s always someone looking and always someone caring. Because this is London.

Everything appears random and careless. But in fact every tiny thing here is, or at least can be, a truly big deal. Maybe exactly because it pretends it isn`t. Everything is meant to happen along the way. Just beside the real deal. There is a universe of hidden sub eco systems which can only be understood from within. There are impossible rooms in wracked studio buildings in crappy side streets where foxes stroll at night, where people who seem to never have appeared on this earth before scream out their souls for nothing but for everything in their lives. And for those who coincidently happen to be in the same room at the very same time it makes a difference, strong enough to turn their world around. There are a thousand things to get inspired by.

London is something else. This place lives an everyday life that is different every day. Everyone here always seems to have a plan. Everyone seems to always have a way. Everyone seems to always do something. But the things you find aside the busy path are the true diamonds of this city. And even when you don`t have a plan, when you don`t follow a path and have nothing to do, you can be, whatever you want to be. Things happen, in this city. Things are possible, in this city. Everyone accepts everything. Although London is too full of everything already it seems it has a gap for anything and anyone more. And it already is an incredible collection of beautiful madness!

Vielleicht so etwas wie Liebe

Auf der Terrasse hattest du mich gefunden.

Zersplitterte Freude klebte auf dem Boden.

Ich saß an diesem Tag ganz unten ,

zwischen den feuchtmoosgrünen Grassoden.

 

Aus tiefen, zugeklebten Abgründen

rotzte ich Auswürfe oberflächlicher Heiterkeit.

Du sagtest, du wolltest mich nie wieder traurig finden,

du sagtest, es sei jetzt an der Zeit.

 

Du sammeltest mich auf neben dem üppigen Rucola,

zwei Krümel und ein schüchternes Lachen.

Du sagtest, Sorgen wären immer da,

es lohne nicht sich einen Kopf zu machen.

 

Loszulassen hatte ich lang vergessen.

Es schwirrten abendlichttanzende Funken.

Wir haben eine Weile dort gesessen,

haben uns in zeitlose Laken gewunden.

 

Sich in dich zu verlieben war nicht schwer,

in dir zu versinken war ein Traum.

Wie die Januarsonne war ich völlig leer,

wie hungrig ich war, merkte ich kaum.

 

Zwei Raubtiere drinnen ohne Außenwelt,

kopflose Traumstunden verbrachten wir dort.

Du sagtest, dass dir meine Wortlosigkeit am besten gefällt –

Wie echt sind Gefühle ohne ein gesprochenes Wort?

 

Des anderen Welt konnten wir nie verstehen,

uns nicht mehr vor- oder rückwärts manövrieren.

Wir konnten keinen Schritt gemeinsam gehen,

uns nur am Ort der Kirschblüte verlieren.

 

Und maßlos fielen wir in den anderen ein,

folgten einem verzweifelten Triebe.

Und mit den Worten kam das Schreien.

Vielleicht war es so etwas wie Liebe.

I can`t have you to stay

I`m on the road, I`m on the run,

I just wanna freak, I wanna have fun,

no boundaries,

no responsibilities,

wanna make at least

something special out of every day,

and therefore I can`t have you to stay.

 

I do need someone who cares

though, who shares

the same thoughts and longings

without becoming

more than a good friend.

Because I know how such things end,

with me –

I will always flee

into the free

as soon as I start to see:

you caring too much.

You know what sucks?

I really liked you, liked the us,

but you started wanting too much.

You building cages, you always wanting to discuss

what is “us”

and all this further fuss

that goes with anything more than friendship.

 

So I can`t have you to stay, I`m sorry friend,

You know how it ends,

with me.

You should be able to see

I have to be free,

I have to watch my fringe

I have to spread my wings,

and my hormones all over the place,

so don`t try to track and trace me

It doesn`t work this way.

You can`t make me care more,

that`s for sure,

because I don`t even know what I`m looking for,

I think, probably for nothing, really, so far.

Too many times I`ve felt the pain

of having met someone in total vain,

I just don`t ever want to feel it again.

So don`t you complain,

you should be grateful I don`t obey you,

because I am the one here saving your heart, too.

 

And at the end of the day

we won`t find in each other what we are looking for anyway.

So I am sorry but you just can`t stay.

 

Beards with men – a victim`s view on facial hair

To all men out there who have not started to grow a beard yet: Don`t start! To those who recently have: Stop it. Right now! Stop the growth. We do have plenty of beards now! (To those few who already had beards before the big hype: You are allowed to keep them.)

Of course, guys, it is no question, they are the most sexy thing e.v.e.r. about men. But all of you now suddenly realizing it still doesn`t make it a must-have for everyone! Beard-beginners, you are too late! Don`t bother to get started now. Evolution went on. Women are not used to so much visual sexiness. It`s meant to appear in small doses only. We can`t cope with it.

Did you ever take a break to think about what it does to us? Do you even know how many women secretly suffer from uncontrolled sweating, speechlessness, fainting and other psychological based physical threats? Imagine the majority of us walking around naked! Tossing our long hair over skinny shoulders and our bare, sunlit breasts. How would that feel, huh? Yea, probably you`re smiling now, childishly wishing for it to be true! But I bet after the first excited week you`d get pretty annoyed by getting distracting fantasies and a hard on at every. single. corner.

Also, guys, this one-type-restriction doesn`t really fit into the free market economy. We get to decide from over 30 types of toothpastes but only between beard, beard and … beard? (And, well, some without any.) What happened to all the variety? It`s not fair. It`s not clever. From the marketing point of view it gets pretty boring, for us. For you it gets pretty exciting now though. Suddenly there`s beard wash and beard oil and beard combs and beard conditioner and beard everything! I do understand you are getting tempted. But despite what media tells you, beards are still not an appropriate accessory for everyone. A beard is meant to show the man. Not the other way round.

Some time ago there were some men with beards. You knew what you got with a man with a beard, back then. They were men who didn`t give a shit about skin care or their online reputation. They were men who didn`t have facebook. They were men who had landline phones, which they were strong enough to let unanswered sometimes. And they were men who loved to spend their time outside in the woods, who went camping and rented rowboats for a laugh. They were men who didn`t have hay-and-milk-and-gluten-and-cat-and-whatever-allergies! They were men who knew how to make a proper bonfire. And they were men who had a secret blanket for a woman when it got chilly.

Nowadays there are thousands of beards with men. There are thousands of beards on top of suits, beards on full wifi, beards on expensive-gluten-free-smoothies, beards on crammed tubes chatting on headsets, on whatsapp, on instagram. They are urban indoor beards. They are beards who never rest, beards who have never made a bonfire. And they are beards whose brains have been too busy to think of a blanket for the woman when it gets chilly.

Beards forget the men they hang on nowadays. And we women are left in a cold heavy sexy rain shower of too much facial hair, that looks all tempting but only on the rarest occasions meets the expectations we have of men with beards. Where are the male beings to collect bonfire wood with? To cuddle up to under the blanket when it gets chilly? (In peace and silence and romance.) You know, we are still wishing for proper knights, bandits, princes, taking us far away on horses, no matter if they have beards or not. But it seems we are mostly left helplessly in a modern world of assholes hiding behind fashionable face-haircuts, pretending to be what most of them aren`t. Please, men, be yourself! Conquer our hearts with honesty, not with beards! Don`t let you get carried away by a trend. Don`t show what you don`t have. Think twice (at least!) if a striking bunch of hair is really necessary for you or if you still know other ways to impress us. Please, stop being so boring by relying on your beards. And, please, for fuck`s sake, stop being so goddamn sexy!