Tag Archives: Janina Mau

Ach, Görlitz

Es gibt keinen anderen Ort wie dich.

Du bist jedes Mal dasselbe. Und doch jedes Mal wieder anders. Du bist eine Konstante, eine nostalgisch unveränderbare Heimat, in die ich als immer wieder neuer Mensch, von immer wieder neuen Standpunkten aus, zurückkehre.

Du machst mit mir jedes Mal etwas Neues. Obwohl ich in dir alt geworden bin. Du bewegst mein Herz, im stillen Schein der Laternen. Weil es in dir zu schlagen begann. Weil Du wie kein anderer Ort zum Fühlen inspirierst.

Du bringst mich jedes Mal zurück. Und ein Stück weiter. Du fängst mich auf und erinnerst mich. Wer ich mal war, wer ich bin. Du zeigst mir, dass ich wieder ein Stück gewachsen bin. Und doch immernoch Dieselbe.

Denn ich bin in dir gewachsen und Du wurzelst tief. In meiner Seele, in meinem Gefühl. Du bist Konstante und Reflexionspunkt, bist Referenzpunkt. Für mein Leben. Dessen Vergänglichkeit und Eckpfeiler ich an dir wiederentdecke. Du rufst wach, was bedeutsam ist. Lässt es mich in deiner nächtlichen Leere wiederfinden.

Görlitz, du holst mich zurück. Immer wieder.

Zu wertvollen Menschen. Zu schönen Erinnerungen meines Seins. Zu mir selbst.

Danke.

Danke Görlitz. Danke Menschen.

Ausstellung human. emotionen. absurditäten.

Ausstellung Human. Emotionen. Absurditäten. Janina Mau

„…Und dann bin ich ein Jahr durch Asien gereist. (…) Aber mit meiner Rückkehr hat mich eine der schwierigsten Phasen meines Lebens erwartet: Das wieder-Ankommen. In meiner Heimatkultur, in Deutschland. Ich habe gestrauchelt mit all dem Luxus hier, der es allein nicht bringt. Was früher normal für mich gewesen war, war mir plötzlich fremd. – Eine Kultur In der so vieles so durchstrukturiert und wohlorganisiert ist, von so extremem, aber unbewussten Wohlstand, der selten richtig wertgeschätzt wird. Ein Land, in dem Menschen selten wirklich glücklich sind mit dem, was sie haben. Und wir haben verdammt viel!

Durch diese Asienreise und mein ganzes vieles Rumgereise, habe ich einen anderen Blick auf unser alltägliches Leben und unsere Gesellschaft bekommen, der oft sarkastisch oder auch bissig ist. Der sich meist kritisch mit unserem Wohlstand, unseren Gewohnheiten, Erwartungen und Forderungen auseinandersetzt. Und der unsere Begehren, Emotionen und Normen hinterfragt.

Ich bin inzwischen angekommen. Aber ich empfinde immernoch – und werde es wahrscheinlich immer – viele Dinge und Gefühle, die wir als elitäre, westliche Gesellschaft haben und die wir als Selbstverständlichkeiten empfinden, als paradox und oft vollkommen absurd. (….) Und das ist die Geschichte dieser Ausstellung: Human. Emotionen. Absurditäten.“

Human. Emotionen. Absurditäten. In der Kunstbar Bremen
Human. Emotionen. Absurditäten. 25.03.-16.04.16 in der Kunstbar Bremen

Wealth

Beards with men – a victim`s view on facial hair

To all men out there who have not started to grow a beard yet: Don`t start! To those who recently have: Stop it. Right now! Stop the growth. We do have plenty of beards now! (To those few who already had beards before the big hype: You are allowed to keep them.)

Of course, guys, it is no question, they are the most sexy thing e.v.e.r. about men. But all of you now suddenly realizing it still doesn`t make it a must-have for everyone! Beard-beginners, you are too late! Don`t bother to get started now. Evolution went on. Women are not used to so much visual sexiness. It`s meant to appear in small doses only. We can`t cope with it.

Did you ever take a break to think about what it does to us? Do you even know how many women secretly suffer from uncontrolled sweating, speechlessness, fainting and other psychological based physical threats? Imagine the majority of us walking around naked! Tossing our long hair over skinny shoulders and our bare, sunlit breasts. How would that feel, huh? Yea, probably you`re smiling now, childishly wishing for it to be true! But I bet after the first excited week you`d get pretty annoyed by getting distracting fantasies and a hard on at every. single. corner.

Also, guys, this one-type-restriction doesn`t really fit into the free market economy. We get to decide from over 30 types of toothpastes but only between beard, beard and … beard? (And, well, some without any.) What happened to all the variety? It`s not fair. It`s not clever. From the marketing point of view it gets pretty boring, for us. For you it gets pretty exciting now though. Suddenly there`s beard wash and beard oil and beard combs and beard conditioner and beard everything! I do understand you are getting tempted. But despite what media tells you, beards are still not an appropriate accessory for everyone. A beard is meant to show the man. Not the other way round.

Some time ago there were some men with beards. You knew what you got with a man with a beard, back then. They were men who didn`t give a shit about skin care or their online reputation. They were men who didn`t have facebook. They were men who had landline phones, which they were strong enough to let unanswered sometimes. And they were men who loved to spend their time outside in the woods, who went camping and rented rowboats for a laugh. They were men who didn`t have hay-and-milk-and-gluten-and-cat-and-whatever-allergies! They were men who knew how to make a proper bonfire. And they were men who had a secret blanket for a woman when it got chilly.

Nowadays there are thousands of beards with men. There are thousands of beards on top of suits, beards on full wifi, beards on expensive-gluten-free-smoothies, beards on crammed tubes chatting on headsets, on whatsapp, on instagram. They are urban indoor beards. They are beards who never rest, beards who have never made a bonfire. And they are beards whose brains have been too busy to think of a blanket for the woman when it gets chilly.

Beards forget the men they hang on nowadays. And we women are left in a cold heavy sexy rain shower of too much facial hair, that looks all tempting but only on the rarest occasions meets the expectations we have of men with beards. Where are the male beings to collect bonfire wood with? To cuddle up to under the blanket when it gets chilly? (In peace and silence and romance.) You know, we are still wishing for proper knights, bandits, princes, taking us far away on horses, no matter if they have beards or not. But it seems we are mostly left helplessly in a modern world of assholes hiding behind fashionable face-haircuts, pretending to be what most of them aren`t. Please, men, be yourself! Conquer our hearts with honesty, not with beards! Don`t let you get carried away by a trend. Don`t show what you don`t have. Think twice (at least!) if a striking bunch of hair is really necessary for you or if you still know other ways to impress us. Please, stop being so boring by relying on your beards. And, please, for fuck`s sake, stop being so goddamn sexy!

Prioritäten – Scherben auf dem Badezimmerfußboden

Seit zweieinhalb Tagen – also ungefähr 35 mal Pinkeln – starre ich jedes mal, wenn ich auf der wackligen Klobrille sitze, die zerfransten Ränder eines Glases und seine fortgeschleuderten Scherben auf dem Badezimmerfußboden unter dem Waschbecken an. Auch wenn ich zum Zähneputzen, Händewaschen, Haarebürsten, Wasserholen, Tasseausspülen oder Abwaschen hereinkomme, funkeln sie mir entgegen.

Zur Zeit läuft alles, das mit Flüssigkeiten zu tun hat, durch das Badezimmer. Es ist der einzig funktionierende Wasseranschluss. Da passiert es schon mal, dass beim Abwaschen aus der Hocke vom schmalen Rand der Duschwanne ein Glas abrutscht. Es ist nur das allerletzte, das man in so einer provisorischen Gesamtsituation gebrauchen kann! Deshalb liegt es immernoch dort und glitzert unberührt vor sich hin. Obwohl ich den manchmal stärkeren, manchmal schwächeren Impuls es wegzuräumen nicht leugnen kann, hat dieses kaputte Glas in genau dem Moment, als es klirrend auf seinem neuen Platz zu liegen kam, seinen Rang auf der Prioritätenliste zugeteilt bekommen. Das muss es, wie auch ich, akzeptieren.

Im Grunde funktioniert hier alles wie in einem Amt: Wenn jemand hereinkommt, der etwas will, zieht er eine Nummer und muss sich – egal wie dringlich das Anliegen zu sein scheint – gedulden, bis er an der Reihe ist. Andere waren vor ihm da. Die traurige Gastherme, die aus allen Löchern rostet, das modrige Holz, das vor Feuchtigkeit hustet, der Stromversorger, der am Wochenende telefonfrei hat – sie alle guckten nur kurz gelangweilt von ihren Wartesitzen auf, als das Glas hereingescheppert kam. „Hups, tschuldigung“ stammelte der Scherbenhaufen verlegen und setzte sich leise auf seinen Platz mit dreistelliger Wartenummer. Alle anderen sitzen schon lange dort.

Natürlich gibt es hier einen Schalter für Notfälle: Kotzende Katzen, Funkenflug vorm Ofen, kollabierende Wände und Trockenholzanlieferung bei Hagelschauer – also existenzielle Happenings – werden immer mit erhöhter Priorität behandelt. Dennoch, auch sie der Reihe nach. Sachbearbeiter von flinkem Verstand stellen dafür zu jeder Stunde ihr logisches Blitzabwägen unter Beweis: Ruinieren Katzenkotze oder Glutklumpen schneller den Fußboden? Tragen intakte Fensterdichtungen oder Schamottsteine im Ofen schneller zu überlebenstauglicher Raumtemperatur bei? Und dann müssen sie schnelle und richtige Handlungen einleiten.

Jedenfalls muss das kaputte Glas mit seinem Papierwartenümmerchen in der Hand seufzend feststellen, dass es keine Chance hat, annähernd mit Schimmelflecken oder Stromausfällen zu konkurrieren und wohl noch eine ganze Weile auf den kalten Kacheln vor sich hin glitzern muss, bis seine Zeit gekommen und es an der Reihe ist.

Sonnenscheinillusionen. Sitzenbleiben ist realistisch

Schönes Wetter wühlt mich auf, hetzt mich. Anders als das sichere beständige Grau in dem nichts Eile hat.

Quietschfröhlicher Sonnenschein trägt die Stimme meiner Mutter. „Ich versteh´ gar nicht, wie du bei solch einem Wetter drinnen sitzen kannst!“ Doch ich verstehe nicht, wieso schönes Wetter für andere plötzlich ein Zwang zum Rausgehen ist. Dinge zu tun, die man sonst auch nicht tut.

Die hellen Strahlen gucken mich erwartungsvoll an, wie eine aufgebrezelte Freundin, betteln aufgeregt „Nun komm schon, komm schooon!“ Sonnenbefleckte Blätter zappeln und jauchzen „Komm, mach mit!“ Unangenehme Eile frisst sich in meine Zufriedenheit. Ich bin schwach für Erwartungen, will immer Folge leisten. Ja, ich komme schon. Obwohl ich gar nicht weiß wohin und warum.

Ich bleibe sitzen. Einen Moment lang gehen mein Gewissen und die Stimme meiner Mutter gemeinsam potentielle Schönwettertätigkeiten durch. Dann tragen mich die sanft zwischen Licht und Schatten wehenden Halme fort. Zu einer Kette von Kitschbildern, die an Sonnennachmittagen entstanden sind. Zu Hollywoodhappyendszenen mit dramatischem Orchesterklang. An ferne Orte in herzzerreißendem Abendlicht, die ich niemals erreichen würde, selbst wenn ich sofort losrannte.

Sonnenscheinillusionen. Sehnsucht. Seufzen. Sitzenbleiben ist nichts Schlechtes. Sitzenbleiben ist nur realistisch. Das Jauchzen der Sonnenflecken aushalten. Überzeugung finden, sein zu dürfen ohne tun zu müssen.

Lucky, in theory (a Burmese kidney-infection)

Have you ever had a kidney-infection? I do not hope so, because I can tell you it hurts like hell. Your brain is empty, apart from the permanent pain, the shivering and the desperate wish for it to stop. I am very glad though it wasn’t my first. Because when I felt the strange, slowly rising pain in my back, as we were walking just out of Nyaung-Shwe-village for some days of trekking and camping, I got suspicious. I knew I knew that pain from somewhere! It was not just the shitty mattress and the weight of my backpack. We sat down for the Burmese version of Spaghetti-Bolognese and I suddenly remembered that I´d had a light version of a bladder infection a week ago and hadn´t cured it properly. But I had thought it had gone away. I knew what nightmare was about to happen now. I told the guys I was with to go on and don´t worry because I was sad enough I couldn´t do the camping-trip now – I didn´t want to spoil theirs as well. They hesitated, but went after I forced them to. I tendered my back and sighed while I watched them and their carefree laughter becoming smaller and smaller in the distant of the dusty road, whirling sand swallowed their shapes eventually.

I sighed again and stood up, asked for the next doctor. There was one close by. I entered an open shack, looking like all the other shops and businesses at the side of the main road, only with a white desk and chair in the middle of the empty, shabby room. A very nice female doctor asked me to take a seat. I told her about my pain, my past bladder infection and supposed kidney-infection, and she listened carefully. By then my pain was already quite alarming and let me quite incapable of much complicated brain activity. We realized our common language was not enough to understand entirely. So she pulled out a dictionary, I looked up “kidney” and “infection” and showed her the beautifully written Burmese equivalent. She understood. She said it was likely to be possible. Yet she told me she had no “machines” for testing it and couldn´t prescribe medicine in such case. She wouldn´t have that medicine here, anyway. My heart sunk. My pain rose with every minute. Paralyzed me already. And now my help and hope faded away. She recommended to drive to Taungyii – the nearest bigger town – and see a doctor in hospital. I got scared. A hospital in another town is really far away, when you are in Burma with the syndromes of a kidney-infection. I didn´t have any energy left to do so. But apparently, it was the onliest choice. She said she was truly sorry, and I saw it in her calming smile and encouraging eyes. I realized that this was how things were in Myanmar. There was not always a doctor for everything immediately when one was needed. And I was probably still very lucky because I had, in theory, the money to pay a taxi to drive me to hospital, I had, in theory, the money to pay for medication…

Now traveling is no theory. Traveling is one of the most practical things you can experience. And when you do it well, you get sucked into the local circumstances and realities so much, you totally forget about your privileges and further options as a tourist. Which is mainly good. So despite feeling very weak, I asked around for a bus (which is in Nyaung Shwe village always a cramped pick-up with two wooden benches, bumping its way to wherever, at the speed of 50 km/h…). But as it was already 4 pm, people told me, the next one was going only the next morning. Don´t ask me why exactly I didn´t consider taking a taxi for 30 Dollars. I don´t know. It simply was a lot of money. Even in that situation, it seemed so out of place, spending that much money (five nights sleep in a comfortable hostel or 20 proper hot meals) on a diagnosis I already knew and could also have tomorrow while I was still able to fight the pain with a lot of painkillers. So that was what I did. I returned to the hostel, said I was back already because I was sick, and spent a fevered, shivery, restless night until I cached a cramped, bumping pick-up-ride, lasting two-and-a-half-hours of pure pain, in the morning.

"Bus" to Taungyii

Taungyii was bustling. The whole city was an open market place, people were bargaining and screaming, car drivers pushed their horns. Tired and far from understanding what was happening around me, I asked my way from the bus stand to the hospital and finally arrived after half an hour foot walk at a middle sized, once-white building that looked kind of like a hospital. Mainly because it had a big red cross on its outer wall. When I hung over the reception, complete lack of energy, the young nurses – white caps on pretty faces – giggled behind their hands. Burmese girls always did, I think because they were shy and totally flattered to see and serve a foreigner. In the pale, morbid waiting hall people sat with worried faces in silence. Pain was tormenting me, but I was still a lucky sick person. Within five minutes I was sat on a white bed with an enthusiastic young male doctor asking me in fluent English what my problem was. I suspected that many of the other people had to wait longer.  After I had told him, what I had already told the doctor in Nyaung Shwe, he pressed my belly, back and side, asked for pain and, nodding, began to write down something. He wrote into a small, cheap children´s exercise book – which was meant to be the professional file for every patient here – diagnosis and treatment. After a log silence, still writing without looking up, he said “I prescribe you another antibiotic for seven days.” His fingers were carefully forming letters, phrases, signatures. I sat up. “Eehh, but you haven´t tested anything. How do you know it´s really a kidney-infection? Don´t you want to test anything?” – “Your syndromes speak for themselves” he answered, relaxed, looking up now. “You said you had a bladder infection. And you say you have taken Ciprofloxacin for five days. That antibiotic has, unfortunately, a habit of not being strong enough to kill all the germs in only five days. It seems that was the case here also. So your infection has not fully gone away. Now it is very important you take another kind of antibiotics, a strong one, for the whole of seven days so we can be sure all of it gets killed.” He closed the booklet, handed it to me, smiled and wished me all the best. And that was it. – Could it be that easy? Irritated I spluttered a “thank you” and went out of the room to the counter in the waiting hall with the nervously smiling nurse-girls. They pointed to their left, to another counter with a woman behind it. That seemed to be the pharmacy. I handed her my “file” and two seconds later she placed three single plastic packages of small pills on the counter. Next to it she laid a hand-written bill. Now I had a big problem!

In theory, I had a lot of money on my bank account. In practice, none of my credit cards were working on Burmese cash machines. We had already taken a lot of US-Dollars in cash with us into the country. It was said, that there were not many ATMs at all, and even if, it was not guaranteed, that it was really possible to get money from them. We had smiled at the overly-careful advices from the two-year-old travel guide after the ATM in the capital had worked fine. Yet we had what we thought would be enough cash for our stay.  But then we finally realized that it would get tight after all. Luckily we had a friend with us, who´s Visa credit card was working on some ATMs, so he lent us money. Still our financial situation remained tight. Sometimes the machines were working and sometimes they were not. And sometimes they had limits. When my friends had left for their camping-trip, I hadn´t thought about money. I had enough for the daily life, enough to pay for food and some nights in the hostel. I had not thought about “expensive” medication.

The bill said 35 Dollars. About the same that antibiotics would cost in Germany. – A fortune in Burma. Also for the standards we had immersed into. I emptied my purse on the counter – all my remaining Dollars and Kyatt put together, removing the money I would need for the bus home, another night in the hostel and some basic food. Left was half of the money I had to pay. Delirium and fever of a painful kidney-infection overcame me. I stood in a shabby hospital in a strange city, far, far away. Realizing, that it was Sunday and all the banks were closed. That my pain was killing me and I had no opportunity to get relieve. Simply because I had not enough money to buy medicine to cure my serious illness. And my friends were somewhere in the faraway bush with no mobile phones on them. I felt like in a proper, evil nightmare. For a moment I think I felt the desperation, that for many thousands of people must be constantly real. (Although I was still a very lucky sick person, in theory.) I was devastated. I broke down. I think I cried. But the woman on the pharmacy-counter was kind and smart (and beautiful), like many Burmese women are. She understood and tendered me, wordless. We had no language in common, so she showed me, taking a part of my money from the counter, holding it, and handing me two of the three packs of pills. Gestured, pills 11 to 14 would stay here until I would come back, bringing the rest of the money. I was baffled. I smiled. Bloody cultural civilization! People just stick to it like fat blue flies to the shit because they don’t know about alternatives. I would have never ever considered such an easy solution to be possible! In Germany, or other western countries, you either can pay for medication or you can´t. Ripping apart a prescribed dose, buying single tablets, is just not a concept to think of, for us.

Delirious nights

I took the packed pick-up home, happy now, relieved (even bought new pencils at the market on a dose of antibiotics and painkillers!), between all the smiling people transporting goods, belongings, market shopping, helping me onto my place on the wooden bench. Back in the cozy comfort of my hostel I again had shivery, fevered nights with bad dreams and often lay awake in pain staring at the lizards in front of my window. But it got better with a lot of sleep. And the pills 1 to 10. Then some warm tea. Then the western breakfast on the terrace (Pancakes). Then the beloved three-in-one-coffee-mix and when I could think again, I started writing. I didn´t stop writing for three whole days without a break. Sitting on the terrace, watching guests from all over the world come and go. And on the fourth day, after a huge thunderstorm, which I watched from my comfy shelter, anxious because of my boys out there, somewhere, they came back, happy as ever, with many stories to tell. And with money for my second trip to Taungyii.

 

Close to the meaning of life

Ants exist because someone has to milk the lice. Worms are there so the plants have a fluffy ground and the rain can drain. Deer walk about for there is some grassland left without forest suffocating all the fragile plants closer the ground and the wolves don’t starve.

Even the stones are there to provide the moss and plaits a base, to challenge the down-coming water in it’s run and to save some precious warmth for the lizard. The grass grows to feed the cattle and to give the ticks a spring board to their victims. Trees grow and fall and rotten and become rich soil again… Ok, admittedly, all of this is a philosophical or a question of belief. But everything at least seems to have a working order! What in hell is the meaning of the mankind? What is our reason, our excuse for being? What are we supposed to contribute?

I would love to send a questionnaire around the world to thousands of different people with different lives and read all the diverse opinions of this maybe most interesting and yet most difficult question of our existence. What answers would you get? I bet a list from A to Z! Maybe starting with “we exist to amuse ourselves”, “to become rich” and “we are made to form the world” or “to save the world”.. I have lost myself in that question long ago and keep struggling with the sense of human and my personal existence.

But there is a growing number of other people nowadays asking the same question. Since we don’t have to worry about surviving anymore but about the size of our TV and the best restaurant to eat at, we do have too many choices of everything – what to do, buy, think, become… Since we are let to decide for ourselves and not been decided about (yes, suddenly we are actively responsible!) by the nature, fate, the church, the parents or community which we were not long ago so dependent on, the meaning of our individual lives became blurry.

I think today two kind of people might be happy: those who don’t ask themselves that question and those who have asked it themselves long and insistent enough to eventually find wisdom in it. All others, I believe, must sometimes feel the same slight melancholy pain I do of that hidden and unanswered question. When they gasp for breath and realize people are just running about, chasing vague aims they don’t even know, feeling the need to achieve something the norms prescribe while they are distracted by things that promise a happier, more fulfilled life though those just pursue to push the nonsense they don’t need still in the hope to gain something they think they want.

When you turn your head towards nature it’s obvious that between birth and dead every living creature was given the duty to do certain useful things to justify it’s existence. What do we actually contribute to the world? What are we supposed to do? Some people would say they do useful things like they are involved with charity, help other people or they pay for reafforestation or things like that. Those things are good, no doubt, but they are admittedly only a compensation for what others or we ourselves have done bad before ergo should be naturally and not an achievement to pride oneself with. Those things are a syndrome of our modern society but no answer to the question for the reason of our existence. And unfortunately I can’t please you with the answer.

But back to the survival. What about living to survive? Since that is basically the main aim of every living creature there must lay some answer in that. I have had a light bulb moment recently while camping in Scotland how at least to kill the worry about the meaning of life. I already saw how it works many times in Asia and now really felt it for myself.

It’s really simple: When you are busy with surviving, the gnawing but obviously luxury question for meaning doesn’t exist.  For us – the standard westernized person – it is quite a while ago that we seriously had to concern ourselves with surviving. To concern ourselves with an outcome at the end of the day that would strictly and mercilessly decide about we living or dying. Hunger, cold, danger or illness. For many, many other people on this planet it is still a daily reality. When you have to basically work all day just to survive on a human level you don’t ask for another sense because that is the sense. Providing a dry, warm and safe sleeping place for yourself or even children, managing to have enough and warm food and warm, fresh clothes the next day keeps so many (predominantly) woman around the world busy permanently as a full-time job. They don’t have all the luxury we do, they can’t go to ALDI buy ready meals, stuff the washing machine with dirty clothes and put the children into day-care so they have some leisure time. They have to work really hard for all that and when they’re finished at the end of the day they can be seriously proud of themselves because it’s a bloody hard days work. Do you think they ask for another meaning in life?

So all that came back to me when I was camping some days in the wilderness of the Scottish Highlands – often twelve miles each direction to the next house, human, civilization. The weather is tough there in early May and I was fighting permanent rain, wind and cold. It took me some hours per day to pack or set up my tent and stuff properly, to prepare it against the heavy wind and wet from above and underneath. When that was done, depending on the distance I had walked that day and the spot I’d found, the preparation of food was difficult sometimes. Drinking water was to fetch from far, gnawing hunger and difficult weather conditions made it often a laborious act to eventually get some by then desperately needed food. I was wrapping up in my sleeping bag long before nightfall, exhausted, because when you don’t live in the comfort of a house warmth and light are rare goods and you don’t expect anything exciting to happen anyway (like I often do at home at 4 a.m. lurking around unsatisfied for something on facebook). But I felt truly happy because everything I had done that day had been absolutely necessary and therefore had been meaningful. I didn’t had to worry whether I did the right things or not, because I only did what I had to do and if it worked, I did it right. No questioned decisions, no struggles, no regrets.

I have thought about what is really meaningful in my life often in those early nights between those snow-capped mountains hiding myself very basically from the reckless whether with nothing to do. It came to me that feeling and enjoying those very moments were the answer. Being able to lay there in all needed comfort and satisfied with no further wishes. When I get close to nature and far from all the unimportant stuff of civilization I get very close to my basic needs. And I feel very clearly what it does not take to be happy. Not the nice flat, not the good beer, not the pretty skirt and not even the beach-holiday. In some conditions being able to “survive” the day is a proper reason to feel sense. I wished it could always be like this! Freed of options, freed of expectations, freed of temptations! I’d be happy and satisfied without even knowing the cause of the human being.